Nicole Steil found joy during her childhood in dance, soccer, drama, cheerleading and singing, and dreamed of becoming a performer.

But in all these good experiences, danger was always looming. Her experiences with abuse began in childhood, growing up in a home marked by violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and threats. As a young teenager, she experienced sexual violence and trafficking at the hands of people who should have protected her. These experiences profoundly shaped her understanding of herself and the world around her, and dissociation became a way of surviving what she could not escape.

Nicole found purpose in caring for others. After years of illness and hospitalizations as a child, she was inspired by the nurses who showed her compassion and humanity. She went on to become a pediatric nurse, a career she pursued because she wanted to be one of the people who made a frightened or vulnerable child feel safe.

She had three significant romantic relationships in her life and all three were abusive. The first was financially and emotionally abusive. The last relationship ended three and a half years ago. He gaslit her constantly, criticized everything she did and used her medical diagnosis against her. He was physically abusive twice and often told her she would be homeless if she left him.

For years, she was made to question her own reality and was repeatedly told that she was the problem.

Through counselling, survivor support, and the practice of self compassion, she began to rebuild her sense of self. The self blame, shame, and destructive thoughts that had defined much of her life gradually gave way to self love, boundaries, acceptance, and hope.

In her own words, Nicole said, “If someone shares with you their traumatic experiences, it’s so important to listen. Believe their words. Be present with them. It’s so difficult to open up and share your story, so be there for others when they have the courage to share.

Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for believing me.”